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Tabeth book 2
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Do you know where your Draft is?
Sorry, not THAT kind of passion 😛
I just opened a new Flickr account and started uploading pics of one of my odder passions: Tarantulas!
I am an avid Tarantula hobbyist who is a member of the American Tarantula Society and has owned quite a few of these fascinating animals.
These pics were taken by me or my husband Shane Rich.
Just click the page to the right that says Tarantulas via Flickr or HERE
I recently joined a community on Google+ (Writer’s Discussion Group) and posted my excerpt from Tabeth. I wanted some feedback on it to judge just how much revision I still have to do. This is a passage that I feel is ‘finished’, so I thought it would be a good test. What I got is that it has promise, but there is still work to be done! One comment reminded me of the oft quoted rule not to use adverbs. So I thought I would talk a bit about that.
Writer’s Digest offers some good articles and tips for writers and I recently read one on adverbs (http://www.writersdigest.com/editor-blogs/guide-to-literary-agents/subverting-adverbs-and-cliches?et_mid=615784&rid=232941614) that reminds us that not ALL adverbs need to be eliminated, some work just fine. Eliminating the adverbs however spotlights important movements and moments. If the walk down a corridor is important to set the mood, highlighting everything in the hallway is a good way to create tension and set mood. But if it is just a walk down a corridor to get to the next room, you can walk quickly or slowly or whatever you want just fine.
Bottom line, I need to find the parts that need highlighted and eliminate the adverbs!
Back to work again… 🙂
This is an excerpt from my vampire novel Tabeth that I am currently revising. Sarah is a detective and she is interviewing a woman who’s husband was Tabeth’s latest victim.
“…Sarah handed the woman yet another kleenex, “Let’s go back to the window, where were you and your husband standing when the window broke?” Focusing her on the window instead of what came through it or her husband seemed the least likely to upset her more.
The woman sniffed, took a deep breath and continued, “We were standing right in front of the window. When it hit my husband it ripped his hands off me.” She showed Sarah the nasty scratches on her neck surrounded by growing bruising. The bastard had been in the process of strangling her! “When I looked around after I got up, I could see it, she had him.” Her eyes grew wide again, but it seemed her crying had somehow giving her more strength. “She had fangs, and she was clamped onto Darrel’s neck. It was snarling like an animal, her claws dug into him, holding him as she… she…” the woman stopped, the whites of her eyes showing, but she didn’t cry, she didn’t break down. “Her eyes were like a wolves’, or a lion.” She looked at Sarah then. “You know how lions hold onto the deer’s throat while pinning them down till they suffocate? It reminded me of that. Only she wasn’t suffocating him, and it happened so fast. One moment she had him like that and the next she was screaming in rage, throwing him across the room! She just threw him like she was throwing a bag of trash. Then she screamed again, only this time it was more like a roar type scream, I can’t describe it. But I will NEVER forget it.” The woman had her hands up over her mouth, and looked straight into Sarah’s eyes, “It was a woman, but it wasn’t human. I know that sounds insane, but it wasn’t human! She turned to me then and I was frozen with fear, I nearly passed out from it. She … she… she crouched down like an animal and bared those horrible fangs at me and screamed again, like she was challenging me. I couldn’t stand anymore and dropped to my knees right there. But I couldn’t take my eyes off her. She came at me slow, nearly crawling, but still on her feet. There was blood on her lips, she turned my head, exposing my neck…” the woman was shaking like a leaf, looking off into the distance. “I was so scared I couldn’t move! Then she was gone. It took me a few blinks to realize, she was so fast. But she wasn’t really gone, she was pacing the living room, walking bare footed on the broken glass, muttering to herself. It shocked me some that she was talking. She seemed so animal-like, I hadn’t thought of her thinking. But she was… she was talking to herself saying stuff like: “No no I said no, she didn’t do anything… we got the one we came for… we can get another somewhere else…no… no… I said NO!” It was like she was fighting herself, then she like, went into a frenzy, but she didn’t attack me, she started ripping up the carpet. She seemed… frustrated… but she didn’t even look at me again, she just tore into the carpet for a while, then stood up tall, took a deep breath, and walked out the back door.” She waved in the general direction of the back of the house and looked up at Sarah again. “She attacked him because he was hurting me, and she controlled herself so she wouldn’t kill me too. She’s an animal, but there’s some part of her that’s still human in there officer, I don’t know why, but she saved me.”…”
What do you think? promising? want to read more? or are you yawning? Let me know!
I am collecting all of Andre’s Witch World novels, the older the better, and this was one I didn’t have.
Started reading these with Trey of Swords around the 80’s sometime.
If you have never picked up one of these classics I highly recommend them!
I just sent this to my mommie, I wrote it today for her.
My Mommie, as I remember…
Kissing the boo boos
Thank you’s for every dandelion offered
Patiently allowing my Day Dreams
All your clean sheets used as tents
Dealing with dead fish worms in pockets
Going along with my imaginings
Searching JCPenny for the new John Denver record
seeing it below us as we went up the escalator!
Giving my pet hermit crab (Peek_A_Boo) a funeral
in your rhubarb patch
when he died on the Last Day of School
(Saddest LDoS EVER!)
Laying out together in Florida
both with our heads in books
Trying to teach a tomboy to sway her hips when she walked
Letting me talk you into more color
when you were into ‘neutrals’
Shopping Used Book stores
getting yelled at by Dad for bringing home a bag each!
Hanging out with me at the mall like a big sister
Snagging your Romance novels when I ran out of Fantasy to read
Sharing my baby girl’s first laugh
(Velvet and that big ball!)
Hearing your story about how she locked you out of your own house and…
stood there waving at you while you waited for the lock smith!
Beating Breast Cancer like a REAL heroine!
Group HUG after you got better.
~Maria Rich aka your crazy kid! Mothers Day 2013
Looking forward to my next hug!
I actually got some work done on Tabeth yesterday, and even a bit this morning. Gotta keep the momentum going. Any other writers out there get sidetracked and find it hard to keep on track?
Word count hasn’t changed much, but revision is often taking out as much as putting in. Working my way down to the romance section, checking timeline, fixing inconsistencies… I find I like revision, yet it isn’t as enthralling as writing storyline, so I have to work to keep my interest up. Wish I didn’t have to work, want to write! Have tomorrow off though, YEAH!
Obviously school and writing don’t seem to work for me, but now that school’s out I am going to get to work! So… lets see where I stand on my novel…
- Timeline troubles; still needs work, going to try plugging stuff into an excel worksheet I got (see below)
- Romance upgrade on first meeting scene; adding sensory input to enhance scene.
- horror = fear = tension and I need to go through the whole story and increase this
That should do for a start.
Flash Fiction generally refers to the fiction of around 100 words or so. This is a FLASH that is coherent enough to give the reader a true sense of not only what is going on, but some of the emotion of the moment. For one of my classes, we were asked to write a flash NON-fiction, a memory from our own, or another child’s, real life. Not only that but we were to put it in the perspective of that child. I found this so fun that I had to share what I wrote!
Mommy and Daddy told us to stand like in Red Rover and not let the dogs in. My older sister Tabby was much bigger than me, I had to yell and kick at the dogs to keep them away, she just had to tell them “NO!” Mommy says the chickens don’t feel it and they sure do taste good! But still, I didn’t look. Tabby called me a sissy, but she didn’t look either. Suddenly a chicken ran out between us and the dogs gave chase! We ran after the dogs and mommy and daddy ran after us! It was a Hoopla until the chicken realized it was running around without its head and decided to lay down like a decent dead chicken! We were all breathing hard and laughing, even daddy!
This was my own memory and I was about 4 or 5, which would make this around 1976ish…. wow that’s really dating me! LOL Oh well! Hope you like it!